Dance to a Different Beat Read online

  He nodded. Shit, I must seem like one of those stupid nodding dogs you win at the fair. "So?"

  "Oh nothing really," Jane smirked. "But a chair like a giant clit isn't what I'd call vanilla."

  He laughed. "You, my dear, are the other person to recognize that, let alone remark on it."

  "Really? So what does everyone else see?" She sounded genuinely interested.

  "Comfortable."

  "What?" Jane sounded incredulous as she let him seat her at a small round table carefully screened from the wind, and prying eyes. "Nothing else? It's two-tone red leather, for goodness sake."

  He shrugged and went to a side table where an array of fruit was set under muslin covers. "People only see what they want to see Jane. And hear what they want to hear." He handed her a bowl of fruit with everything Ryan had assured him she loved in it. "Don't you agree?"

  "Hmm." She ate a spoon full of raspberries. As the deep red vied with the subtle hue of her lips Sean's cock reacted and hardened. Damn, if he didn't wish it was his prick that was being sucked into her mouth. "How d'you mean?" She swallowed and filled her spoon again. "This is good. If I'd known I was coming for breakfast, I'd have ditched the joggers and worn something tidier. So, you were saying?"

  "That people have selective sight and hearing, and interpret things in their own way to suit themselves." He paused. Should he? Why not? It can't make things any worse. "Take yourself for instance. Your friend wants to come to dance, you hear BDSM. Did you ever check with her to see what she'd been told? Nope, you just jumped to conclusions. Why? Have you been to see Ava and Ryan? No, not since she told you what had happened. You worry her and Ry, you know, but does it bother you? Evidently not, you just see them as threatening your safe sterile life and ignore them. And you set the whole thing up, and I could have sworn not five minutes ago you were really happy for them, but you haven't told them that. They both wonder what they've done to insult you. And us? You ran. You saw how well we meshed, and ran. No questions to me, no define what you mean, nothing. You just bottled. And now look at you? You look like a bag lady. Your glow has gone. When are you going to open your eyes and ears and see and hear what's going on? When are you going to give us a chance? Or are you going to let yourself be sucked into apathy and sterility? For fuck's sake remind yourself what you felt with me, tell yourself you deserve more. And bloody well talk."

  He slammed his hands on the table so hard both the crockery and Jane jumped. Her spoon fell to the floor, followed by three slices of apple and a grape.

  Chapter Three

  Jane watched the fruit segments as they flew upward and then down in a graceful arc. Yes, it seemed she'd pissed more than just Sean off. She should have known her withdrawal from Ryan and Ave would be seen the wrong way. How could she explain she hadn't wanted her own dark thoughts to overspill into their happiness? And give a reason for her negativity toward what she and Sean had experienced would be nigh on impossible. One look from him and her clit sent sparks to her pussy and nipples and demanded attention. How could she tell him that level of intimacy and dependence scared her?

  "Well?" he asked as she still didn't speak. He stood over her, his eyes dark and dangerous, his chest heaving.

  Whatever else she thought, Jane decided he looked magnificent. Hot, arousing, and savage in the best way possible.

  "Still the coward, are we? Well, fuck you, go to hell in a handbasket and don’t ask me to put out the flames." He kicked his chair and it fell over with a thump.

  Jane could imagine sparks flying from his fingertips as he thumped one fist into the palm of his other hand. She reckoned it was either that or he might do serious damage to a wall, or heaven forbid—her. It was up to her, pay up or shove off time. Did she really want to have a life of what if? Whoever said 'it was better to have love and lost' etcetera was spot on.

  She put her spoon down and stood up to face him. "No, no coward. Just someone human, with all the failings therein. Someone who tries to do what she thinks is right for her, right for her friends, and guard her heart. And, okay, I fucked up, so sue me." She glared, daring him to answer. His lips twitched. Damn him. Here I am baring my metaphorical all and he's trying not to laugh.

  "You laugh and I'll wipe the smile off." She picked her napkin up from where she'd thrown it on the table and twisted it into a cord.

  He sputtered and sobered. "Did you say sue or screw? Don't want to do the first but hey, my pleasure for the second."

  "Bastard." There was no heat in her answer, and she sniggered. "Yeah, well. I'm sure I said screw but who knows? Okay, I'm suitably chastened and ready to talk. After coffee." She sat down again with a thump that dislodged the soft cushion on the seat and made her wobble until she righted herself. Talk about stress making her klutzy.

  "That sounds fair enough. Talk first and eat later?" She watched his elegant hands as he poured two cups of coffee. His movements were as precise and perfect as when he decorated her in wax. Her mouth went dry and her body fired up as she remembered the feelings of each individual drop as they caressed and heated her skin.

  "Um, yes, okay. But I warn you, I'm a tangled mess of mutterings." Her stomach rumbled. "And I need food. Can I finish my fruit?" God, what do I do sound like? What a dumbutt.

  "And have a croissant fresh from the bakery around the corner. Here." Sean passed her a plate with a large warm croissant, steam rising gently from its surface. "Food not fight, flight or play, the last of that comes another day." He raised one eyebrow. "Yes?"

  "Maybe," Jane bit into the croissant and inhaled the rich sweet buttery aroma. She didn't bother with any dressings; all she wanted was the taste to fill her senses. She swallowed, and dusted her hands on her joggers. They were a mess anyway so a few flakes of crispy dough wouldn't make much difference. "Okay, yes to the first and maybe the last. Though once you've heard me out the middle two might be the course we go for."

  "Unless you start talking I won't know. And as time is getting on?"

  "Shit yes, I'm due to take over the café at noon. Um, where shall we talk?"

  Please god nowhere special. Let me get confess-fest over and done with before you start making demands. She wasn't sure whether demands would mean he had forgiven her and wanted her, or just wanted to scare her rigid.

  "Right here." Sean waved toward a long, low-swinging chaise that Jane reckoned would be hell to get out of. Well at least she wouldn't show her knickers. With insouciance she didn't feel Jane picked up her coffee mug, enjoying the smooth surface of the fine porcelain, as she carried it across to where the chaise was set next to a wrought iron railing surrounding a covered pool and a Jacuzzi.

  "Er what?" she waggled her fingers of her free hand. "Swimming pool, Jacuzzi? Where's the gym? And the sauna." She sat on the chaise and used one foot to set it into gentle motion. He stood impassively and looked down at her.

  "Behind you and stop procrastinating. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. We can drink our coffee, talk about the unseasonal chill. And you can go away back to your boring life. I won't stop you."

  "Oh, I wish you would," Jane said before she had time to control her tongue. "Stop me." Heat raced across her skin as she realized what she'd said. "Oh fuck. No, no, don't fu … hell let me get my foot out of my mouth and unscramble my brain."

  "Might be as well. Look Jane, I'll be straight with you. The day we played, I truly thought I'd arrived home. That you felt the same and wanted all we did. A perfect sub, who was eager to please her Sir. And for whatever reason you blew me away. Well, okay, if you feel like that, I'll have to accept it, but please don't cut Ryan and Ava off. They're wondering what the hell they've done to you."

  "They haven't, I don't, I'm not … look, sit down and shut up." The glint in his eyes made her pause and then go for the jugular. "You're a Dom, fucking act it—Sir. Let me explain what happened and why, what I've been doing, wrongly it seemed, and what I'd like to do god willing and the creek don't rise. And you give me a chance to tell you before
you do whatever your arsy look is saying, then hopefully we'll be back on track."

  Her skin prickled as Sean stared at her, his knuckles white as he held onto the upright strut of the seat.

  "I'd like to fuck you senseless."

  That thought had her juices gushing like a leaky tap.

  "I think I need to open up my heart before I can open that particular orifice to accommodate you."

  Sean sat next to her, and her coffee slopped dangerously near the rim of her mug. She took a hasty sip and set the mug on the stone floor.

  "I was scared, Sean. Scared and unsure. It'd taken me a long while to accept I wanted more than most my mates did. I'd only made love a couple of times, and okay it wasn't bad, but neither did it make me want to sing the Hallelujah Chorus either. I found out about wax play by accident when I saw a mag Ryan had in his car and it intrigued me. I badgered him until he took me to some demos and then agreed to show me what it was like. It was great, so yeah; I was over the moon when you asked me to play. You made it beautiful. So very, very beautiful. But I was new and unsure, Sean, and you didn’t give me a chance to sort everything out in my mind before you pounced. Hell, I'd only just come to terms with the fact I wanted things that would send a lot of people running screaming into the night. Ryan had been patient by nursing me along and doing things in baby steps. You? You went hell for leather and took giant leaps and it scared me. The fact that I loved it wasn’t a good enough reason for me to roll over and agree with everything. I needed nurturing, not collaring. I still do."

  She waited, skin crawling, feeling as if spiders were skittering over her hair and tugging at the strands as she waited for his reaction.

  He stroked her hair, sending the spider feelings flying and creating ripples of pleasure that stroked her skin.

  "Will you show me?" she asked softly. "Help me fly?"

  Chapter Four

  Sean wondered if he was imagining Jane's words. She was asking him for help. Did she know what she was saying?

  "Baby steps?"

  She shrugged. "Toddler maybe. I'm a bit more steady these days." Sean raised an eyebrow and she giggled. "Yeah well klutz apart. Seriously though? I want to try again, or I'd not have come. Come here, I mean … oh stop it." Sean was openly laughing at her turn of phrase. "I would have turned down your oh so elegant invitation if I hadn't been ready to move on."

  He thought about that statement. There was moving on and there was moving on. Just how far was Jane ready to go? "Will you trust me?"

  She nibbled her lips. As much as he wanted to tell her to stop mutilating her mouth, the unconscious gesture was so erotic, his balls tightened and his cock started to imprint his zipper's teeth on its length. Damned if he didn't need looser jeans when Jane was around.

  "Until you show me otherwise, then yes. But I'm not prepared to be your sub, or call you Sir."

  Damn, what is she prepared to do? He put his finger over her lips and moved her teeth from their lush fullness. For one short erotic second he slipped the tip of his digit inside her warm mouth and she let her tongue swirl across it and her teeth nip.

  "Then where do we start? Because you've got to let me show you what you like and are capable of. Trust, you said, but where is it?"

  "Buried and fighting its way to the surface. Can we start with you making love to me? Show me how straightforward lovemaking works? Then move on from there." She picked her coffee mug up again and played with the handle.

  Sean felt his stomach fill with lead. Did he even know what straightforward lovemaking was? It'd been more years than he dared count since he'd decided missionaries had the correct idea. "Not even you on top?" He took a strand of her hair and rubbed it between her fingers. Did she still have the same flame red curls hiding her clit? Or had she lost them as he'd asked all that time ago? "Just for variation?"

  It was a pity Jane had just put the mug to her lips. She sniggered and gasped and coffee went everywhere. Including, to his delight, over the awful jogging bottoms. Sean stood her up and pulled the offending and sopping garments down her legs.

  A thong.And no curls escaping around the sides. He couldn't stop himself sliding his finger under the lacy edge. She didn't bat his hand away as he expected. With a sigh that made pre cum gather at the head of his cock and had him checking it wasn't playing peek a boo over his waistband, Jane moved to rest her head on his shoulders.

  "That's no toddler step, that's a strictly forbidden teenage one."

  "You on top?" If she thought that then there really was no hope.

  "No you moron, your fingers. You're revving me so fast I've missed the first two gears." She paused and the wicked twinkle in her eyes made him itch to turn her over his lap and use his favorite paddle on her enticing ass cheeks. "And do we really want to go into reverse 'cos we've missed the shift?"

  Put like that, no they didn't.

  He didn't answer but moved his questing finger further under the silk until his nail scraped the soft edge of her nether lips. "I think we can miss a few gears, you're ready, receptive, and know damn well how to put the brakes on and stop. Do you remember your safe words, Jane? Should we start from there?"

  In answer she wriggled on his finger, and her breath came in pants. Her eyes were cloudy and a soft sheen of perspiration was visible on her skin. At any other time the sight would have him stripped and ready for action in the blink of an eye.

  "Just do it."

  "Safe word." His tone was harsh, something wasn't quite right. "Safe words or I stop, Jane. This is a two way exchange, no way is the onus all on me."

  Her eyes cleared and she stopped moving. She shuddered and lifted her arm to stroke his cheek with her fingers. "Oh shit."

  Sean dipped his head. "That's one way of putting it. What the fuck was going on then?" He didn't move his hand away from her pussy, and to her credit she didn't try to make him do anything else.

  "You're a mass of bloody contradictions, Jane. I don't know where I am with you. You want to take it slowly then you want me to take you. You're scared but you're telling me to ignore you. So not going to happen. So." He pinched her clit firmly enough for her to jump and try to move away. He kept the pressure on the soft skin hard enough to stop her. "Either you tell me what's going on in your messed up mind or that’s it. Experiment over, never to be repeated. It's up to you. I can get someone else to sub for me when I want. Will you get a Dom you want?"

  A distant clock chimed the hour, and somewhere a siren screamed. Neither impinged on his mind to any degree. He concentrated on Jane who was a stiff as a board.

  "Jane, look at me." He deliberately injected a note of command into his voice. "You have ten minutes to explain or that's it. We both have places to go and people to see." Would it work?

  "Yeah." She spoke so softly he wondered if she really intended him to hear. "Yes, you're right. So, I'm scared, I don't want to have to make the decision that might change my life. And I thought if I goaded you to do whatever, then the decision was made for me. I'm so, so sorry."

  Bloody hellfire, she was such a mass of contradictions. And stupidity. Sean saw red—literally. A red haze covered his eyes and he dug into the denim of his jeans to stop himself smashing something. "You stupid fucking idiot. Do you know what you've just admitted?"

  Anyone else would have been on their knees babbling and remorseful. Not Jane. She poked him in the stomach. The impact of her hand wasn't much, but the impact of her words were. "Yes I do, or why would I apologize? You see I thought wrongly, I could trust you not to do anything I didn't want. You're a Dom, you know these things."

  "Arg." Sean lost the plot, grabbed a crystal vase from the table and threw it and the contents against the wall. Shards of glass flew in all directions, and roses and water arced into the air. "Yes, when they know the sub. For fuck's sake did you learn nothing? And don't move or you'll cut yourself." Jane had jerked away from him, and looked like she wanted to throw the coffee pot at him. "Hell Jane, what the fuck's going on?" His chest heaved and he
took great shuddering breaths. "We have to sort this out now. It can't be left. Ring in sick, spend the day with me. We'll talk and see where we can go afterward." He didn't wait for an answer but lifted her over the mess on the floor before he dragged her trousers off her ankles and threw them in the direction of the broken blooms. They landed next to a rose, its petals twisted and bruised. It reminded him of Jane, but he hoped not for long.

  "Hold on." He walked into the lounge. "Settee or chair?"

  "Chair." His skin tingled in a bad way. It didn't augur well. "On your lap, with you holding me and giving me strength." Or maybe it did. He did as she asked.

  "What now. When do you need to contact work?"

  Jane looked nervous. "I don’t. It was a lie to give myself a get out clause. I've got the day off."

  It seemed they both could fib. Sean had nothing planned for the day. He was his own boss, and once he'd made the appointment with Jane he'd cancelled everything else. He chose not to comment on her perfidy.

  "Then are you sitting comfortably?" She giggled at his question from a childhood radio show her mum had told her about, and nodded. "I reckon so. You make a good cushion, tho there are some sticking out bits." She squirmed and his cock jutted into the dark sweet crevasse between her ass cheeks.

  "Have you heard of the three strikes and you're out rule?" Sean asked her.

  Jane nodded. "Yes, why?"

  "Well we've got our own version. Three strikes and you're paddled."

  Chapter Five

  Jane stopped moving, then giggled, and put her hand over his mouth. "Yes, that's two. I promise there won't be three, not yet." She took a deep breath and noticed how he stared into her eyes. Maybe your eyes did reflect your soul. Jane forced herself not to blink. Her body was as tense as a plank of wood and her nerves so strung up, she could sell them for fencing wire.