Riding Ryder Read online

  “It means,” Caleb said slowly, “the person who sees it is going to need courage, strength, and perseverance.”

  The phone rang, and Caleb picked it up. Logan never answered the phone. If Caleb wasn’t around, it went to voicemail. It had been one of the things he had had to come to terms with. Along with the fact that he still didn’t come face to face with the clients unless they stated they did not mind. Or, as in the case of Connor and Bain, they became friends. He was often frustrated at the restrictions placed on him, on only knowing such a tantalizingly small part of Caleb’s life, but he was gradually coming to accept them. Or so he thought.

  “Ryder. Oh, yes. Hello. Yes, we got it today. I was going to get back to you this afternoon.” His laughter sounded forced to Logan, but obviously not to the person on the other end of the phone. “That would be fine. No, no problem. Sure, okay. See you Monday. Yeah, I will, too. Bye.”

  He looked at Logan, defying him to say something. The next week was supposed to be their holiday. Logan looked back at the papers on his desk. It seemed as if the badger were correct; his courage, strength, and perseverance were about to be put to the test. “Holiday off then?”

  Caleb nodded, taking hold of Logan’s shoulders, only to be shrugged off. He nodded, as if to himself. “I can’t help it, Logan. An old friend needs me, my skills. It is important.”

  Yeah, yeah, but what sort of old friend? Male or female? Kissing or cuddling? Or more? Logan knew he wouldn’t protest, but he sure would not be happy. However, he said nothing, merely nodded and passed over the diary. “You’d better log it, then.” He knew Caleb was tuned into what he was thinking but chose not to respond. Instead, he scribbled a note in the diary and then amended the electronic one.

  “Have you nearly done in here? Do you fancy a swim? The big pool is empty.” Caleb was making an effort, Logan noted. He nodded.

  “Yes, and yes. Where’s D the D? Will we need cossies, or can we swim in the buff? I do so like seeing that cute ass of yours peeking in and out of the water.” Logan made a point of ogling the cute ass in question.

  “You’re going to have to stop calling her that. She’ll have your balls in a vice if she hears you. Doris is away for the weekend. She’s going to some cookery course, remember?” Caleb laughed. “Or that’s where she says she’s going. I sometimes wonder if cookery is a euphemism for something else.”

  Logan spluttered. “Wannabe Doms of the World Unite?”

  “Something like that, but as long as she keeps bringing home those marvelous concoctions, we’ll let her stick to her story.”

  Logan shook his head. “Ah, D the D. Gotta love her. And she knows that’s my nickname for her. She says it’s a compliment, and she’ll show me how she works any time! So, in the buff?”

  “In the buff.”

  He knew some of their easy camaraderie was missing. And that was his fault. But that nasty emotion jealousy sneaked in sometimes no matter how hard he tried not to let it.

  Caleb followed him out of the office. “I know, but you know sometimes that’s the way it is. Remember you are my love, my life. The rest is my job.”

  Logan sighed. “I know, and I try. And I’m getting better. But sometimes…” His voice trailed off.

  “Yeah, sometimes.” Caleb pulled him close. “Come on, lover, let me show you my cute butt as we swim. You’ll see it as you follow me anyway, because I’ll race you. And beat you, surfer boy.” He broke into a run as they reached the pool area. The private gardens and private pool shimmering in the early evening sunshine beckoned and enticed. A double daybed, a replica of one they had and used in more than one interesting way on their private roof garden, stood secluded and inviting in a bower of roses. Other plants and herbs mingled with them, each chosen because of its meaning. Or, as Caleb had joked, for their culinary uses. Rosemary for protection, lavender for relaxation, marjoram for balance.

  “Hah. You think?” Logan pulled his T-shirt over his head, and then ran after Caleb. Once he reached him, he tugged him and held him back so he couldn’t reach the side of the pool, pull off his jeans, and dive in. “Lets strip together,” Logan suggested. “One…Two…” Both pairs of jeans were disposed of in record time. “Who’s gonna follow who now?”

  It didn’t really matter. They both got a good view of each other’s bodies as they swam and played in the water. Eventually, Logan stood in shallow water, chest heaving.

  “I’m knackered. I’m getting out.”

  Caleb shook his head in mock pity. “Oh, dear, can’t take the heat, eh? And knackered? What a shame. I was going to do that for you.”

  Logan climbed out to stand at the side of the pool, water streaming off him, and watched as Caleb hauled himself out. “Do what?” he asked.

  “Knacker you.”

  “Oh well, in that case…”

  “Mmm.”

  He hadn’t been too knackered.

  ***

  “Well,” Logan said as they lay side by side in each other’s arms on the daybed.

  “Thank you.” Caleb laughed, and Logan punched his arm playfully. “I was going to say, you can knacker me any time, but there’s no point. You already know that. So instead,” he leered, “what’s your answer to this then?” He touched Caleb’s ever-hardening cock.

  “Yes, please, and thank you.” Caleb stood up. “I think it’s a fucking awesome idea. Fucking being the operative word. Shall I lead the way, and you follow my cock?”

  “Lead on.”

  The “’F” weekend, as they had dubbed it, was a weekend of fucking and fun.

  “That’s the guest area, our roof terrace, the pool table—now that was, er, inventive of you—the dining table…mmm, that was inventive of me. The stairs, still got the carpet rash on my knees. Where else? Oh yeah, I remember, phew, how could I forget the sports car and the shower in the rain. No wonder I can hardly stand up straight.” Logan let out a lusty sigh. “But if you can stand up straight, then my fucking skills are not what they should be. I’m lacking something.”

  Caleb, who was about to get into bed, grinned.

  “Lacking? No way. The only time I put some shorts on, to go to the shop and buy the cheeses you fancied, I had to hold onto a chair back to get them off again I was so stiff. Well, that is permanently stiff, thank you, but I’m talking about the rest of me here.”

  “Glad about that. I never knew a hard-on could last so long. Or come back for more so often. Mine, I mean. I feel thoroughly loved.”

  Caleb looked down at him before slipping under the covers. “I’m glad. I feel the same.” He yawned, and Logan laughed.

  “Sleep?”

  “’Fraid so.”

  It was as they were sitting side by side at the breakfast table later that Logan broached the subject they had both been studiously avoiding. Doris has taken one look at their faces and disappeared. She didn’t need to be a mind reader to know she’d prefer to leave the two of them alone together.

  “So,” Logan said in a carefully nonjudgmental tone. “What time does today’s client arrive?”

  “Usual time, about four. I’ll be checking the accommodation this morning, so I’ll switch the phone through to my mobile. If you need me, just call.”

  He nodded. “Will do. I should get the artwork for the new brochure finished, so you can check it over at lunchtime. You will be around for lunch?”

  Caleb looked at him levelly, and Logan was sure his cheeks reddened like a scrubby schoolkid who had been caught scrumping apples.

  “Yeah, well, just thought I’d check,” he mumbled, and took a gulp of his coffee.

  “One o’clock.” Caleb gently kissed his cheek before leaving the room. Logan stared at his departing back, his fingers gently touching the place Caleb’s lips had lingered.

  By one o’clock, he thought he had worked his way into a better frame of mind.

  Doris had visited the office halfway through the morning to bring him a cup of coffee and a huge piece of homemade chocolate cake. He ate the deli
cious confection in one sitting. Comfort eating, and he didn’t even know what for. He just had this nebulous fear of impending doom, and that darned badger hadn’t helped. It ambled across the lawn and stopped outside the office window as if he were passing wisdom—or judgment.

  Logan had glared at it. “Okay. I know. Courage, strength, and perseverance. Well, I’m doing my best, so stop bugging me. Shit. Now I’m talking to a bloody badger.” He laughed at himself for being fanciful. The badger stared for a minute or so longer and then meandered away. Logan shook his head. He’d be seeing salmon in the swimming pool predicting endurance and determination next. He remembered, guiltily, that he still hadn’t told Caleb he’d been reading up on the meanings of certain animals, birds, and plants. With an inward groan he remembered salmon also meant rebirth, renewal, and death. Don’t even go there.

  The three of them ate lunch together. Whether Doris thought their moods were more upbeat, or that there was less chance of sniping if she was with them, he had no idea. But they spent a pleasant hour or so sitting on the patio outside the kitchen, chatting inconsequentially.

  Eventually, Caleb stood up. “Let’s have a look at your artwork, Logan. Then if it’s all right, you can get all your creativity going to get the brochures done. Well, not all of it. Save the best bits for me!”

  Doris chuckled as Logan felt himself blush. “Too much information, thank you,” she said. “And while I’m on the subject, whose boardies did I find by the big pool this morning?”

  “Shit. I wondered where they’d got to.” Logan’s face could not have gotten any redder.

  “Like I said, TMI. I put them in the wash.”

  “Thanks D, you’re a star.” Logan bent forward and kissed her cheek.

  “Mmm, well, I’d rather be a Dom, but hey ho, did you both like the chocolate cake?”

  “Both?” Logan detected a surge of renewed warmth flush up his neck.

  “What cake?”

  “Oh, shit again. It was rather a big piece, but it was gorgeous. Right, artwork,” Logan said as he left the room.

  With a smile at Doris and a chuckle at Logan’s embarrassment, Caleb followed him into the office. A few minutes later, he was full of praise for all the designs that Logan had created.

  “Perfect, bloody perfect, Logan. I love it, and I love you.”

  Logan smiled his relief. “Not bad, is it? And I love you too.”

  “Not bad? It’s exactly what we decided. You’ve got—” The phone interrupted what Caleb was going to say. “Hold on a sec.”

  “Ryder. Yup, no problem. Come on up. I’ll be at the door.” He turned to Logan. “I’ve got to go, and I might not get back for dinner. Don’t wait to eat. And Logan?” He looked him in the eyes. “Hold that thought, won’t you?”

  He looked puzzled. “What thought?”

  “I love you.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Caleb opened the main door and watched a fire-engine-red sports car move rapidly up the drive, spitting gravel over the trees and flowerbeds that bordered it. He’d have a few words to say about that to the driver!

  He waited as the car door opened, and a tall redhead got out.

  “Joh,” he said mildly, leaning into the hug he was enthusiastically given. “Watch my flower beds. I don’t want to have the gardener grumbling about gravel in his apple trees and gardenias.”

  Joh laughed. “Oh, hell no. How awful and uncomfortable. Cal, so good to see you. I really do need your help. I’m at my wits’ end.”

  He smiled; he might feel apprehensive about what was going to happen, but no one could fail to smile at Joh. “That’s why you’re here. Come on, let’s go in and get you settled. Then we can decide what we need to do.”

  “Great.” Joh followed him into the house. “Wow, impressive.”

  “Glad you think so.” He opened a door. “Right, this is your sitting room. Bedroom; bathroom through here. You can eat here or on your own private patio, just through the French doors. Would you like some time to get settled, or do you want to talk?”

  “Talk, I think. Er, about dinner. We will eat together, won’t we?”

  He nodded, not letting any emotion show. Ah well, his job, his vocation. “Of course. Take a look at the menu; choose what you want and dial 0 on the phone. It’s automated, so just leave your request and where and when you want it. It will be delivered to that kitchen over there. I’ll stress you can lock that door from this side, so no one will see you, if you don’t want them to. Okay?”

  He received a nod in reply. “What about you? What do you want to eat?”

  Caleb smiled. “Whatever you choose will be fine by me. This is all for you, remember?”

  “Mmm, thank goodness. Give me two minutes, and I’ll be ready.”

  “No problem.” He waited until Joh had left the room, took out his phone, and, breaking one of his cardinal rules, dialed Logan’s mobile. It was answered so promptly he guessed Logan had it right next to his hand.

  “Hi.” He could hear the smile in Logan’s voice as he said it.

  “Hi. It’s me.”

  “Mmm, guessed it wasn’t the coal man. He doesn’t show up as my love when he rings. This is a nice surprise. What’s— ah.”

  “Yeah, exactly. I definitely won’t be back for dinner. I have no idea how long I’ll be. I love you.”

  “Yeah, and back at you. Shall I wait up?”

  Caleb heard the resignation. “Better not, love. I really have no idea when I’ll get back.”

  “Ah, oh well. You are allowed to wake me up when you get here.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “And mine.”

  He looked at the phone thoughtfully as he switched it off and put it back into his jeans pocket. He turned as Joh reentered the room. “All set?” He forced an upbeat note into his voice.

  Joh either did not recognize the strain there or chose to ignore it. “Yes, thanks. Okay. Can we begin? What do you want me to say or do? I’m in your hands.”

  Caleb took a deep breath. Right, Caleb, focus. Clear your mind and focus. You have a client who needs your help.

  He looked at the person in front of him and darkened his eyes, deepened his voice. “What seems to be the problem? Tell me what’s wrong, and how you think I can help.”

  ***

  It was after three in the morning before he was able to stand under the shower, soaping all traces of Joh away. The session had been as difficult as he had feared it would be, and Joh at times was almost inconsolable. Caleb knew he would need a quiet time to recoup his strength when the week was over. Briefly he thought of an old friend who had shown him how to meditate. What he wouldn’t do to have June helping him now. Maybe he and Logan could visit her soon. Maybe.

  He washed shampoo out of his hair and switched the shower off before toweling himself dry. After getting most of the water out of his hair, he left it damp to hang loose down his back. He rotated his shoulders to try and relieve the tension there. He was so tired. The thought of bed and Logan were the only things that stopped him from just lying down on the bathroom floor and sleeping there.

  As he entered the flat, a low light had been left on so he could see his way across the lounge and into the bedroom. He opened the door carefully so as not to wake Logan. He needn’t have bothered. Logan was awake. Lying on his side, facing the door, he sat up when Caleb walked in.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi.” Caleb shut the door behind him and walked over to the bed. “I thought you’d be asleep.” He leaned down to kiss Logan, wincing inwardly as his kiss was not returned.

  “Nah, couldn’t sleep. Watched some footie, then came to bed about an hour ago. You’re late back.”

  Caleb nodded, watching his face.

  Logan looked up at him. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you, Cal? Not answer my question before I ask it.”

  “Yes.” He knew this was coming, but he was damn well sure Logan would ask his question.

  “Fine. I can tell by looking at you
. You had sex with this Joh, didn’t you?” It wasn’t a question. “Not just instruction or tuition. You had sex.”

  He nodded, forcing himself to keep his voice quiet, his tone even. “Yes. It was part of what I had to do.”

  Logan looked at him steadily.

  Caleb tensed. Here was the question he didn’t want to hear.

  “This Joh. Is it a man or a woman?”

  The air in the room was thick with tension. Caleb could feel the hairs on his arms stand on edge.

  “Well?”

  “A man. Johannes. Always known as Joh.”

  He watched in despair as Logan threw back the bedcovers and stood up. “An old friend, eh? An old fuck buddy maybe? Back for a quickie?”

  “No. An old friend, yes. A fuck buddy, no, never.” Caleb shut his eyes briefly to hide his emotions, his anguish. “You knew this could happen.”

  Logan looked him in the eye. “Being told your lover might screw some unknown person is all fine and dandy until it happens.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Cal, I love you, but this is killing me. A woman I could probably come to terms with. I know you’re bi. But a man?” He shook his head. “With a man, that’s like adultery. Betrayal of the worst kind. I can’t do this, wondering whom you are screwing, whether they are better than me. Whether you are enjoying it.

  “I’m sorry, Caleb. I love you. I love you so much, but I just can’t stand it. I know you told me this happened. I know I said I’d cope. But hell, I’m so, so sorry; I can’t. I’ve waited here for you, imagining all sorts of things, eaten up with jealousy, wanting to come to wherever you were and kill you both. I don’t like it, don’t much like me, hate how bloody murderous it made me feel. I’m ashamed, but I feel betrayed. And you are soiled.” He held back a sob. “I need to think. I’ll sleep in the spare room.”

  Caleb watched him go. Did nothing to stop him. He fell onto the bed, buried his head in the sheet where Logan had lain, and cried.